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Gay Marriage FAQ
In the state of Massachusetts, Gay and Lesbian residents of the Commonwealth can be legally married. At this point, out of state residents are prevented from being married by a law that was passed in the early 1900s that prevents people from marrying in Massachusetts if their marriage wouldn't be legal in their state. Considering that gay marriage isn't allowed anywhere else, only Massachusetts residents can be legally married in the state.
In the state of Vermont, gay couples can be joined in Civil Union, which gives you all the state benefits of marriage without being officially called a marriage. Civil Unions may or may not be recognized outside of Vermont.
California recently passed a domestic partners bill that confers many of the benefits of marriage on same-sex couples.
Because there's so much information out there on Gay Marriage, we're trying to centralize some of it here...
Help Fight the Federal Marriage Amendment
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Tell-a-friend!Paul's
Handy-Dandy Gay Marriage FAQ (taken from
Epinions.Com and
written by
plorentz)
The Bottom Line Yes, I'm gay. Yes, I'm getting married. Got questions? Get
your answers here!
Hey all, terrific news! My partner of five years, James and I are getting
married in October! We're both very excited about it, but naturally, we realize
this is something that some folks might consider at best unorthodox, or at
worst, "an abomination of God" (as it was once put to me). So I've created a
little FAQ about gay marriage for the curious:
Q: Is it legal for two guys to get married?
A: No, same-sex "marriage" is not legal in any state - though Vermont does
recognize "civil unions". In fact, the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (signed into
law by Clinton) basically absolves the federal government and/or any state from
having to recognize same-sex marriages recognized in other states (which just
goes to show that the "pre-emption" doctrine is limited neither to foreign
policy, nor the Republican Party). There is currently a movement to pass an
amendment to the Constitution stating explicitly that marriage shall only be
between one man and one woman.
Q: So, if gay marriage isn't legal, and your homestate of Wisconsin doesn't
even recognize civil unions, does having a marriage ceremony change anything for
you and James officially?
A: No. There is nothing, and there will continue to be nothing “legal” or
“official” about our relationship, aside from a joint checking account, and a
joint credit card account. James and I cannot file joint federal or state taxes.
If James were to suddenly croak tonight (before he's drafted a will), I could
reasonably expect to have to fight to keep our house (which is titled in his
name). If I were in an accident, and surviving only on life support, James would
legally have no say in whether I should stay alive.
Q: So, if it isn't legal, and if it doesn't change your status officially,
why the heck are you doing it?
A: That's a difficult question. But it basically comes down to family. As far as
James and I are concerned, we are married already. We’ve shared some very
difficult and some extraordinarily wonderful times with each other. We see,
know, and embrace each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We live together. We
pay bills together. We go grocery shopping together. Most of all, we love each
other. We don’t need a ceremony, or the approval of the government to prove that
to ourselves or anybody else.
But, if it were just us, things would be a heckuva lot harder on us, and it’s
very possible that without the love and support of our families, there wouldn’t
still be an “us.” James comes from a Southern Baptist background, and though my
family is generally less religious, neither of us expected the kind of
unconditional support and welcome we’ve received from each other’s families.
When James’s mother sends us a Valentine’s Day card, she sends it to her “two
sons.” And my parents jokingly (I hope) insist that if we ever split up, they’re
gonna keep James.
So this ceremony we’re having isn’t just about us. It’s about celebrating our
families and our friends, because they are every bit a part of “us” as we are –
they’ve helped to make the “us” possible.
Also, it’s a great excuse for throwing a fabulous party!
Q: So, where are you having your wedding?
A: We are, in fact, having a church wedding, though officially we can’t call it
a wedding, in order to save our pastor some head-aches.
Q: Doesn’t it all make you angry?
A: Actually, I really only get angry when I hear politicians talking about how
recognizing same-sex marriages will somehow compromise or even destroy the
“Institution of Marriage”. If this were a valid argument, then I would expect
they’d be passing bills left and right to try to prohibit “Who Wants To Marry a
Millionaire?” type reality shows. If theirs were a valid argument, they’d be
talking about the frivolous marriages, infidelities, and divorces of their own
colleagues.
I don’t mind that the government doesn’t recognize my relationship with James as
valid nearly as much as I resent that the government implicitly approved and
recognized Darva Conger’s and Rick Rockwell’s. That to me is not only ludicrous,
it is insulting, especially given the time and effort it takes to keep a real
marriage afloat. If the government were really interested in “defending
marriage”, their front lines would be in fortifying their own marriages, not
de-legitimizing mine.
I’m not exactly sure that the “Institution of Marriage” needs defending, or is
even worth defending – but if that is the goal of our government, than, like so
many other battles, they are approaching this one especially dunderheadedly.
What could be a stronger defense of marriage than actually recognizing a strong
marriage, whether it’s between one man and one woman, two men, or two women?
Q: Do you think gay marriage will eventually be legal?
A: I do, and at times I think I may see it in my lifetime. I’m feeling less
optimistic lately.
Q: Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Aren’t you worried about going to Hell?
What about the children? Etc.
A: My relationship with James is one of my greatest accomplishments, as far as
I’m concerned. It has made me a stronger, happier, less selfish, more loving
person, and I thank James every day for that; and I hope that I have been as
good for him.
I don’t believe in Hell as a geographical place, so I’m not especially worried
about going there. But, I do believe in Hell as a state of mind – and I’ve been
there, and I daresay it nearly killed me six years ago. My relationship with
James is and continues to be the opposite of Hell.
As for the children, I think children get it a lot easier than their adult
counterparts. When my youngest brother Andrew was 6 years old, he answered the
door one day to find my date for the evening. “Paul,” he shouted, “Your
boyfriend’s here!” I used to worry a lot about what my younger brother and
sisters, and what my nephews and nieces would think about me – Andrew has known
that I was “different” as long as he can remember. And what I’ve found as those
kids have grown up is that they grow up with a far more open mind about what
relationships can be.
Some alarmist preachers and politicians would have us believe that by approving
and legalizing gay marriages, it would somehow represent an “endorsement” of a
“lifestyle”. Bullroar!
Homosexuality cannot be endorsed, simply because it is not a choice. The only
choice involved is whether a homo wants to accept him/herself for who s/he is.
Likewise, homosexuality isn’t a lifestyle, but rather a characteristic of people
that encompass a range of lifestyles as diverse and disparate as their straight
counterparts. Legalizing gay marriage will not suddenly start some massive trend
where good, God-fearing Christians leave their straight partners and children
for a life of degeneracy. Quite the opposite. Legalizing gay marriage may very
well have a strengthening effect on families. It may open doors between parents
and children that are often frighteningly and immutably closed.
My own relationships with my parents were very stilted – almost nonexistent, and
occasionally even hostile - until I came out of the closet. While the “coming
out” wasn’t all sweetness and light, more than ten years later, I have a
relationship with my parents that would have been impossible had a chosen to
keep the love of my life a secret.
Q: Speaking of your parents, how has your family reacted to the news?
A. James and I have received overwhelming support from both our families. Our
parents couldn't be more thrilled, and most of my brothers and sisters (James is
an only child - I have 7 siblings) are participating in the service. My big,
butch, football-watchin', beer-chuggin', car-fixin', girl-f*ckin' brother is
going to be my best man.
Q: So, then are we going to be seeing you and James on Bravo anytime soon?
A: Umm. No. James is a large guy with lots and lots of back hair, and I’m
kindashort and kindafat, and neither of us have a whole lot of fashion sense, so
we don’t really fit the profile of the “telegenic queer”. But, hey, it’s nice to
dream.
Marriage FAQ from MillionforMarriage.Com
Why use
the term “marriage” instead of “union” or “domestic partnership”?
HRC believes in full equality for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender
people, including the right to marry. While we use a variety of terms to talk
about relationship recognition, we are using the word marriage in this campaign
because it is the term that has been used in Canada and it is one of the issues
in the Massachusetts case. It is also a term that has great emotional value for
all Americans which can create challenges.
We are continuing to work to use
language that is meaningful and politically effective in order to ensure that
all people have the rights and responsibilities associated with marriage.
What organization is behind this website and
petition?
The Human Rights Campaign, the largest national lesbian and gay political
organization, started this campaign to mobilize a million people for the right
of EVERY American to marry. We envision an America where lesbian, gay, bisexual
and transgender people are ensured of their basic equal rights, and can be open,
honest and safe at home, at work and in the community. HRC has more than 500,000
members, both gay and non-gay, all committed to making this vision of equality a
reality.
Is this a real petition – where is it going?
Yes, this is a real petition. We will deliver the message of support for civil
marriage equality to key leaders in Congress and in state legislatures around
the country!
What are you doing to promote marriage equality in
this country?
The Human Rights Campaign is working to educate the public on the issue of civil
marriage equality, in addition to other issues that affect gay, lesbian,
bisexual and transgender Americans. We also effectively lobby Congress and
provide campaign support to candidates for federal office. We have also
contributed amicus (friend of the court) briefs in several court cases involving
civil marriage rights for same-sex couples around the country.
What is involved if I want to marry my partner in
Canada?
Neither Ontario nor British Columbia has a residency requirement, which means
that any unmarried American over the age of 19 can apply for a license. It is
important to remember, though, that there is a one-year residency requirement
for divorce in both provinces, so any couple thinking about getting married in
one of these provinces should seriously consider their options. Finally, it is
unclear whether the United States government will recognize the legitimacy of
marriages between same-sex couples when they come back to the U.S. and try to
exercise rights married couples enjoy, such as filing joint taxes or obtaining
domestic partnership benefits. The best advice from the Human Rights Campaign is
to check with an attorney get legal advice about your situation. Also, you
should
read the marriage advisory
issued by the leading LGBT legal organizations on this topic.
More information.
My partner/spouse and I have a story we’d like to
share – how can we do that?
If you have a story that you would like to share with MillionforMarriage and the
Human Rights Campaign, you may email it to us at
millionformarriage@hrc.org
with the subject line: A story to share. If you would prefer, you may
also mail it to us at: MillionforMarriage Stories C/O HRC at 1640 Rhode Island
Ave NW, Washington, DC 20036.
I don’t believe in marriage – gay or straight.
Whether or not you believe in marriage, the intention of this campaign is civil
marriage equality. No one in this country should be denied the opportunity to
marry.
Currently Lesbian and Gay couples who live in Massachusetts, or who are planning on living in the state can get married legally. Out-of-state couples are prevented from marrying in the state by a 1913 segregation law that states that couples can only get married in Massachusetts if they can get legally married in their home state. Since no other state recognizes gay marriage, the Governor is trying to prevent out of state couples from marrying. Visit Mass.Gov for detailed official same-sex information.
- Boston.Com - leading news resource for Massachusetts
- Special Coverage - The Boston Globe's special coverage of the entire gay marriage debate
- Mass. Law on Same-Sex Marriage
- Massachusetts Gay Marriage FAQ
Gay and Lesbian citizens of Massachusetts should have no obstacles to marrying each other. However in 2006 a state Constitutional Amendment will be up for a public vote on whether or not to end gay marriage. In the meantime though, feel free to get married.
- Human Rights Campaign Marriage Center
- Million for Marriage Organization
- EqualMarriage.Org - The Freedom To Marry Coalition of Massachusetts
- Freedom To Marry Foundation
- The Religious Coalition for the Freedom To Marry
- National Freedom to Marry Coalition
- Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples
- California's Domestic Partners Law
- Vermont's Civil Union Law
-
Gay Rites - the .NETwork for same-sex rituals
-
Gay Marriage in Massachusetts - Thoughts and Feelings